Are you confused about if there is a difference in Self Care (a word everyone is throwing around) and Self Love?  Self Love is our theme for February.  

Above is a clip from my IGTV, where I talk with Lori Gaylor, MS LPC about this and more.  

I have strong feelings that they are very different.  Self Care to me is getting your hair done, getting a facial, going for a massage, making that doctor appointment you have been putting off.  

Self Love is what comes from within and is what encourages you that you are worth doing the above things for yourself without guilt, or at least with less guilt.  

I also feel like there is a difference in Self Respect and Self Love.  For example, I think someone like Kim Kardashian for sure has self love, does plenty of self care, but I'd question if she has self respect.  I think anyone can have self love, it doesn't require being a good person.  Self respect requires character, which requires awareness and some people either choose to not be aware of their actions or they just don't care.  It is also hard to have self respect if you don't respect others, laws, etc. 

It would be hard for a criminal to possess self respect when they don't respect laws, the people their actions affect, but it is certainly possible for them to love themselves in their unawareness.  

Join me on Thursday, January 11 at 2pm Eastern (or anytime after for the replay) as we continue our discussions on Self Love and this week our topic is Friendships.  I will be talking with my BFF for over 25 years.  

Do you need more self love, self care, or self respect in your life?  You may even need more of all three.  Leave any questions below.  

Cara

Why is a paint place showing me mascara?

This month is about Loving Yourself and I love a good mascara. I’m almost 42 and have probably been wearing mascara for almost 30 years.

It’s taken me this long to accept the fact that I LOVE travel sized mascaras more than full size. And I always feel guilty because by weight, they’re more expensive. I went to Ulta a couple weeks ago and told the girl helping me that I like them better and she said “Me Too!”. I’m not alone!

Then I saw an article, or post, or something in the last week that said it’s much better to buy the travel size because they last about as long as you’re suppose to use a tube of mascara. So they’re cheaper and healthier and I know people think it’s crazy but they work BETTER!

Why am I sharing this? What do you feel guilty of doing? Maybe it’s time to let that shit go. It may be as simple as a travel mascara or as heavy as major trauma. But it may be time to ease up on yourself a little bit. ​

I often hear people want to come to Lush Art but they don’t because they “don’t know how”, “would suck at it”, or they “haven’t painted since they were kids”.  While all are legitimate excuses, they are all excuses based on fear of trying something new. ​

Allow yourself to be a beginner is such a powerful and true quote.


Trying new things can lead to some amazing discoveries about yourself and the world around you.  Think about those little quizzes that go around and it asks out of these 50 foods how many have you tried.  I am always amazed that some people have tried only a handful of things.  Usually I have tried all but a few of the items.  And my life is fuller because of it.  Do I always like everything?  No, but am I glad I tried it?  Sure.


I am trying to spend this March trying new things.  I have never tried a raw oyster, so that is on my list.  So the nest time I am with friends who are eating them, I will give it a try.  I like them baked, they are ok fried, but to just eat that slimy giant booger?   No. ​

I asked the girls at work for book suggestions since they all read books outside my normal genre which is romance with a tidy happy ending.  I like historical and contemporary romance novels and since I started reading them about 10 years ago, I can’t seem to put them down.   I enjoy a quirky, smart, sarcastic female lead and a strong, interesting male lead.  But I started The Awakening by Kate Chopin.  I tried getting into it, I just couldn’t.  The story just couldn’t
Keep my attention.  So on to something else.  While I am trying new things, I also have very limited free time and I don’t plan to push myself to read an entire book I don’t enjoy.  Life is too short. ​

Now this doesn’t mean I am going to be jumping out of planes or bungee jumping, but I do want to think of things that are outside of my comfort zone and try them.  Say yes to things I might normally say no to.


I joined 2 groups this month.  The Society of Creative Founders and The Web, a coworking space in Macon.  If you know me, I am very outgoing in my space at Lush Art but I am quite introverted in my business and personal life.  I wanted to change that.  I also am in a business coaching program.  I want to grow my connections and feel less alone in this entrepreneur journey and there is only one way of doing that and is by getting out there. ​

I have been thinking on the idea of adding a Paint Splatter room for 2 years.  And finally just pulled the trigger on it this month.  So coming soon you can come in and get your Jackson Pollock on.  It is a great way of loosening up because you have no control over the splatter.  We have the room we are turning into the room cleaned out (whoa that was a task) and we will be installing it soon.  I plan to have date night options, parent child options, and hopefully black light glow options once I talk with an electrician. ​

What else should I try?  What do you want to try?  Is it painting?  If you are worried about coming in, please contact me personally and I will either come and paint with you or find someone to introduce you that I know will be welcoming to help you get over your fear of trying something new. ​

Fear.


Does reading that word make you not want to even read this post? 

I am not talking about BOO horror movie fear, but the kind of fear that holds you back from doing what your heart wants.


Something we hear all the time is “I would love to come paint but… (insert excuse here).  Now, sometimes that excuse is money and I totally get that and it is a legitimate problem.  But most often the excuse is fear.  Fear of coming alone, fear of being bad at painting, fear of judgement, fear that no one will want to come with them, fear of leaving their families at home and doing something for themselves, fear of making a commitment to an event and actually having the gumption to follow through and show up. ​

​“I would love to come paint but I don’t have the money.”  I get it, I really do.  But are you buying material things you don’t need as a way to cope with other things in your life?  Are you going out to eat a bunch?  Are you paying for subscriptions you don’t use?  Are you mindlessly ordering shit on Amazon?  (Yeah, I do that.)  Think of what would make you happier this next month.  Ordering a pair of yoga pants you will put in your drawer or taking an entire evening to do something you want to do.  Experiences are wonderful because even after they are over, you have the memory of the time spent doing something worthwhile.

“I would love to come paint but I will be bad it.  I can’t even draw a stick figure.”  This is the one I hear the most.  As humans and in the society we live in, we expect to be experts at everything.  The media shows perfection, shows people doing it all and doing it well, they ridicule failure.  But what do all people who are good at something have in common?  A beginning.  A beginning where no one knew who they were and they didn’t know what they were doing.  Allow yourself to be a beginner.  Allow yourself to be bad at something so you can improve at it and enjoy the process along the way.  Will you be amazing your first class?  Probably not.  It is like any skill, it takes practice and persistence to improve.  But will you have fun?  YES! ​

“I would love to come paint but someone will judge me.”  Nope.  We are a very supportive group.  We are mostly all self taught artists, who still struggle getting an idea from thought to creation.  You will be surrounded by other people in your same boat.  Everyone is much kinder to those around them, than they are to themselves.  We talk in class about letting go of comparison and perfection.  It is a constant theme.  Don’t let that stop you.  And remember to be kind to yourself. ​

​But now we look forward to 2020 and all that the future holds for us.  We already have our assignments for the first few months.  Here are the paintings we are most excited for between now and July.


💗Cara:  I love my carnations scheduled for January for the Birth Flower series.  They are totally my style.  I am most excited to paint a manatee in March because I haven’t painted that subject before.   (JAN AND MAR)


💗Nancy:  “Pupcasso! He was fun to paint! Love using random colors and just getting kinda messy with him. He reminds me of my artist friends age 5 to ?? When we let ourselves let go and not think too much, our paintings turn out the best!” (JAN)


💗Rhonda:  “Probably the Geisha. I’m hoping it won’t scare people off just because it’s a face. Faces aren’t hard when you aren’t trying to capture the essence of someone you know. It’s freeing painting nondescript faces.”  (FEB)


💗Heather:  “Lettering. It's fun to show people all the different styles and help them find their own.”  (JAN)


💗Blair:  “I’m excited for my camera. It’s something that isn’t very “me”. But I think it will do well and people will like it!”  (FEB)


💗Dawn:  “I’d say the irises, which surprises me, because I wasn't looking forward to it, honestly. I was afraid of the assignment. However, once I decided on painting an abstract piece I was at home with it. I'm excited to bring abstract irises to Lush in March! I love doing abstracts and this one will be fun and individualistic like all abstracts!!”  (MAR)


💗Mena:  “I am most excited to create the masque for Mardi Gras’s. When I was little I used to play pretend that I would attend Masquerades. This painting for me is like walking down memory lane.”  (FEB)


💗Catelyn:  “I’m working on a genie lamp for February and a mulan inspired fan art piece for March. The genie lamp is awesome because it uses the paper towel technique for the night sky and splatter for the stars and the lamp is shiny so it’s got a lot of the things I have grown to love.”  (FEB AND MAR)


💗Sarah:  “I am most excited about the feather because it will be in colors that make me feel calm and relaxed and it will be mostly in my comfort zone/style.”  (FEB)

Remember you are supporting a small, locally owned independent business and each of these local artists each time you come to Lush Art.  We aren't a franchise, we are us!  All of our art is created in house by our instructors, we aren't getting them from a headquarters.  We are the headquarters.  We make art specifically with our customers in mind, taking suggestions and turning them into reality.   

​Cheers, The Lush Art Team

YOU are the reason we do what we do!  

This week is a time of thanks.  I think if most of us came to each week with a heart of thanks, the world would be a better place.  I want each of you to know that I am thankful for each of you.  I am thankful to those of you that attend and tag us each time.  I am thankful for those of you who started off as customers and have become friends, sounding boards, advice givers, and soul encouragers.  You will never know how much it means when you can tell I am having a rough day to see a positive message in my inbox, to get the email that says you appreciate what we do and have brought to your life, to get a good review, to be tagged in funny memes.


I am thankful for each of the people who have worked for me over the years, the ones that have left, and obviously the ones who have stayed.  We have a good thing going, we love our painters, and we try to think of ways to make even our critics happy. ​

I never imagined I would be doing this in the way it has developed.  I had a business plan, I dream a lot, I imagine the future but if when I opened you would have told me we are where we are now I would have laughed.  I remember looking at the little space I found and thinking if I can just get x amount of people here a month I can pay my bills.  And some months that didn’t happen.  I had made a commitment though and I kept going, sinking more money in.  And it is worth it and I am grateful for all that it has been and all that it is, and for whatever it becomes.


I am thankful for my husband who believed in me or at least pretended to when he didn’t.  He was the only person that never looked at me like I was crazy when I first started out.  He is the one who encouraged me to go to the bank and get a loan, who didn’t expect me to make money at first, who let me cry when the days were hard, who encouraged me to get out of bed when I went there to hide and wallow.  Lots of people have been there for the celebrations, not as many for the disappointments.


I am thankful for my son, because it isn’t easy being the kid of a business owner.  He gets told no a lot.  He has to be pro-active and self sufficient a lot.  But I know ultimately that will serve him well.  He will have seen both sides.  The ups and downs of working in corporate America through his dad’s journey and the ups and downs of working for yourself through my journey.  I hope whatever he chooses he knows we worked hard, we played hard, and we loved hard. ​

Photo credit Mary Beth Wood Photography

Six Years.  A lot has happened in 6 years.  I have seen customers come, go, come back again, disappear after being regular fixtures to the studio, move away, get pissed at the experience or at me, been yelled at, been treated like trash, been looked down upon by artists, been hugged, been thanked, helped people celebrate, grieve, get through hurts and illnesses, painted so many things, cancelled classes we loved, taught classes we didn’t love, shampoo, rinse, repeat.  One thing that doesn’t change is my why.  Why did I open Lush Art?  It certainly wasn’t for a get rich (fast or slow) scheme.  It wasn’t because I just wanted something fun to do, didn’t want to work my tail off, wanted a little side job.


Lush Art has been a labor of love since before we opened our doors.  I worked 80 hours a week at the beginning, for no pay.  I didn’t pay myself for two years.  TWO YEARS.  That first year I lost SO MUCH MONEY and it took another year to recoup those losses.  I kept going.  Even when it was hard, even when it wasn’t what I expected it to be, even when people didn’t believe in my mission.  Why?  Because I believed in this idea.  I knew what painting had become to me as a person, a woman, a wife, a mother.  I had never painted really.  Then I moved across the country from Arkansas to North Carolina with a baby and didn’t go back to work as a hair stylist.  I was slowly losing myself day by day.  Missing a creative outlet, missing adult conversations, missing my independence, missing me.  I started painting because it was an affordable outlet.  I taught myself.  Looking back my artwork was mostly horrible.  But it wasn’t about the art.  It was about me, about who it was making me, little by little I came back to me.  I even became more than who I had been.  Painting was something that had nothing to do with being a mom, a wife.  It was just for me. ​

Then my friend Jodie and I cooked up (well more likely we drank up) this idea of painting things we liked for our friends.  It was working, slowly.  And then my husband lost his job.  And we ended up moving to Georgia. I DID NOT WANT TO MOVE HERE.  DID NOT, AT ALL.   I was angry, and sad, and disappointed.  Jon saw how unhappy I was and suggested going to the bank and getting a loan and starting a Lush Art here.  So we did.  On a hope and a prayer and a small line of credit.  I made a list of what I wanted, I found the space, and I fought tooth and nail to make it happen.  I cried.  I yelled.  I cussed.  I remember signing a three year lease and couldn’t imagine living here for 3 years.  I even had a clause put in the lease if we had to move before the time was up. ​

I happy danced when I sold those tickets.


My first class has two whole people in it.  Every month we barely squeaked by.  I saw other businesses come and go.  I realized the power in hiring help, and made the sacrifice to pay others before paying myself.  Even though I had never owned a business before, I knew the importance in building it strong before paying my pocket.  I hired Nancy, so I wasn’t teaching every single class, which would strengthen our offerings.  I slowly added more staff.


I also made the decision at that point to think completely outside of the box.  I pay my instructors in a way no other studio pays.  I pay them a commission of their class sales.  This makes my payroll so much higher than the standard but it also helps them to feel invested.  They want to promote their own classes and the others at the studio.  It has created an amazing loyalty that goes both ways.  We have very little instructor turnover.  It allows me the freedom to not live at the studio, I trust them all to get the job done, and done well each and every time.


And now I feel at home in Warner Robins, in my studio, in my life, in my roles of wife, mother, boss, artist, owner.  Are there still bad days, God yes.  Is it rainbow and unicorns?  God no.  Is it just all about painting and drinking?  No.  There’s constant things to do that have nothing to do with painting, paperwork for days, never-ending bills, inventory, responsibilities, compromises.  Is it everything I thought it would be?  No, I never could have imagined all the lives we have touched.  There are still tears and frustrations and worry and being scared.  But the laughs, the friendships, the pride in building something so amazing make continuing worth it. ​

Let me say it again for those in the back.  Life is like a painting.

We all start with a blank canvas and little by little we add to our canvas.

Are you choosing to add all one color?  Are you staying just in one area of your canvas?  Are you playing it safe?  Think of the relationships in your life...  Is everyone around you the same?  Does everyone in your tribe think, act, dress, and look alike? 

Are you ever reaching outside of your comfort zone and choosing a paint tone that may shake things up a little?

This can also work the other way.  Did you know if you mix too many colors at once, you will get muddy tones?  Are you adding so much to your canvas of life that you aren't able to enjoy anything.  Are you doing too much?  Have you left any white space to make the other aspects of your life pop?  Think of the relationships in your life...  Do you have people in your life that are so dark and life sucking that they are dulling your colors? 

My friends also tease me because I don't play.  Some people I find so life sucking I just don't interact with them.  It isn't that I want to be mean.  It is just they aren't for me and I have enough self respect for myself and my happiness that I won't put up with it.  (Also I don't have a poker face and can't train my WTF face.)  I also don't like uncomfortable clothes, shoes, situations.  Life is short, friends.  And I want to be as happy as I can when I am here.

Or are you choosing a chaos of different tones?  Is your canvas vibrant, full, with some white space balanced to allow room for your eye to enjoy it all?  Is your painting subject all on the canvas or does it move off canvas to allow breathing room and  room for imagination?

Some things I have noticed in my travels and people watching, in my businesses and interacting with so many different types of people over the years, and also learned about myself in therapy.  We often add so much to our lives we are miserable instead of living this one life we have to live as we are, who we are, why we are.  

So the next time you are unhappy, overwhelmed, miserable think about the root cause.  Is it something you can change, is it someone you can edge out of your life, is there a way to approach the situation with a better attitude?  Do you need to gesso over a section and start over?  

I learned in therapy most of my unhappiness stems from my high expectations.  The ones I put on myself and on those around me, so whenever something or someone didn't live up to what I had dreamed, expected, wanted I become sad, depressed, disappointed.  I battle with this everyday.  I can tell you that once I learned that about myself it was the biggest ah ha moment in my life.  Am I still hard on myself?  Yep.  Do I still get disappointed by those around me when I don't feel like they are giving all of themselves?  Yep.  But knowing this about myself has helped me with resetting my expectations, live a bit more in the "it is what it is" mindset.  And also move on when when something truly makes me unhappy.  

What it also makes me aware of is the energy I see sucked out of people who are so busy doing all the things, they aren't enjoying any of the things.  Take some time each day to turn off the noise.  That may mean waking up earlier (ew) or staying up later (this is me).  I read at night when everyone else is in bed to quiet it all out.  I paint to quiet it all out.  

Are you involved in too many activities?  Are your kids?  Are you allowing time to be or are you afraid of what you might find out about yourself if you quiet down?  Are the things you are involved in filling your cup or are they draining you down.  

Do I have it figured all out?  Nope.  I keep wanting to add businesses, or move to a new town, or change my hair to deal with things when they get stagnant.  I recognize it.  I am a ennegram seven.  I like new shiny things, I like the process of thinking of new things and having new experiences.  I have learned I physically need to travel to keep that fresh and new aspect in my life because exploring new things is what lights me up and fills my cup.  I also have learned it often a healthier coping mechanism when I get bored. 

So take stock of your life canvas.  What do you need to add?  What do you need to take away?   Are the people you are surrounding yourself with helping or hindering your progress?  Get in there, get messy, and live life to the fullest on your terms.